I usually return treatment with the same treatment if it's passive. I can take a hint, and sometimes being subtle back is a lot easier than some dramatic confrontation.
I'm having the biggest issue considering breaking up with one of my friends right now. I don't know whether I should break the friendship up at all, or how I should do it; of if I should try to salvage it. If I did it break up the friendship I would be direct, because I'm getting sick of sympathizing with him and holding back what I actually think about his horrible attitude.
Reason: I don't see how he motivates himself enough to even get out of bed in the morning. He is an embittered, isolated cynic, with few visible friends from what I can tell. Plenty of friends on FB, but a tighter smaller inner circle of friends he now hangs out with. He relentlessly talks about the same topics whenever we talk, and he has a few specific, very narrow interests: He is obsessed with sci-fi and 80’s movies, and bad old-time style movies in general; he pedestals movies like Alien and John Carpenter's The Thing and worships the ground David Fincher walks on. He’s a Radiohead and Beatles fan, but in a pretentious way, like if you don’t get their phenomenal mind-blowing talent than there’s a deficiency in your intelligence with music. I have idols too myself but I don't believe in taking hero worship so far that it makes you irrational and worse, elitist. He acts like a non-conformist who is so wrapped up in his own ideal of what being 'cool' means.
It reminds me of how this generation is generation x, the ‘meh’ generation, where mtv has told everyone it’s so much cooler to have little to no feelings towards most things so that you appear hard to please and therefore with high standards and therefore COOL, rather than appear like some sort of spazoid who actually gets excited about stuff. It’s all an ego trip, coolness, and it’s all dictated from an external source, that’s why I consider it to be fucking superficial.
Whenever I'm talking with him, he's always criticizing SOMETHING or being a huge downer, and it brings me down to listen to any of it, and even makes me feel de-motivated, which is TOXIC.
He oozes apathy from every pore.
He's an Aries, hates modern technology, prefers handwritten notes to anything, and thinks politics and capitalism are inventions of America and stupid and pointless (the only reason people care about politics is because policies impact our DAILY LIVES, yes politicians are corrupt but no system is perfect.) I also feel sometimes that he thinks there's a lot of stuff I do that's stupid or naive, such as go to college (he's a drop out and thinks it's stupid that you have to go to school for years paying so much money just for a piece of paper that says to others that you're qualified to do something, he prides himself on being "self-educated".) or listen to SOME trendy music (it is just wrong to listen to ANY trends even if you genuinely like them?!) or try to have an optimistic attitude. I just feel like he doesn't come out and say that so that he can remain friends with me, or friends with benefits with me, rather. : / :( >:(
Here’s also a critical component of the cause for his pissy negative nancy attitude:
His mom died only four years ago, due to a drug overdose, and they had a hard relationship. I kept overlooking this as I was getting to know him and actually went off on him on FB once about what a horrible attitude he had, and how if he could just listen to me I could show him some ways that might improve his life and bring him closer to experience happiness. I even told him that I could love him, that he had that potential for me to be able to feel that towards him maybe someday. So please keep in mind, grief is not a thing categorized and structured by time, really - it can keep going on throughout your life, in phases, and sometimes you can never truly ’get over’ something. Keep in mind he is still in mourning over his mother.
Obviously, I know I sounded really bitter towards him, and I am. I imagine people’s advice or even my own advice inside my head saying ‘just stop answering his calls/talking to him for awhile. He’ll get the hint’ or ‘just be up front and direct with him since he hates bullshit or lies or omitted/hidden truths or feelings, grow some balls, tell him how you feel, and be done feeling bad about this guy.’
The problem is, I’m afraid of feeling bad over the consequence of intentional breaking up with him as a friend. That’s why it’s such an issue to me.